So, marriage and family is kinda that thing that, okay, well, you know, you're probably gonna fall into it at some point or you gotta add it on or you know,it's like, well, if you're gonna be an accountant or a plumber, well then, maybe just be married and just sit in the suburbs or something. And so, that's why we see a lot of practicing at marriage, whether within dating relationships or cohabiting relationships. They want to be sure and in order to be sure, they feel they need more time. They need more connection with these people and that's why we see a lot of relational dysfunction. Lisa: Well, I think we are so and by "we," I will say, singles and especially in the younger generations here, we're so arrogant about what we believe marriage to be and how we feel we're gonna go ahead and contribute to it. And what I'm saying is, that guys use it as kind of the lowest common denominator for who they're gonna go ahead and date.
But we've infused millennials with this idea that they're gonna change the world and in order to do that, they want to do big things and marriage and family is not the sexy way to go about doing that. John: Well, we're talking today with Lisa Anderson on "Focus on the Family and her book, , is available from us when you're at You know, like I think that (Chuckling), you know, everyone else's marriages and their families are messed up, but if I just found the right person, I'm gonna have this cookie-cutter, picture-perfect thing. So, she has to be super attractive and it's based on whatever standard he has, whether through Hollywood, whether through porn, whether through previous relationships.
So, then they start tacking on all these other things for women, like, "Well, you know, I want her to love children and I want her to have characteristics of being a good mother and I want her to, you know, be active in her church and I want her to write Bible studies, you know. But so, we're told basically that we are to expect this ideal and again, it doesn't exist.
I hear from a lot of them and they're kinda into their vocation, finishing school, not a lot of them that I encounter are talkin' about it. I get the sense, of course, that many want to wait until they find Mr. Jim: --I mean, going back 20 years or so, we're not comfortable talkin' about this stuff. You maybe served in a war and then you got married.
Some are called to celibacy, but that is a real small percentage of people I think. So, tell us (Laughter) about where you're at in your 20s back then and what you were looking for or not looking for and what was appealing to you as a young woman? And so, I kind of married the two by saying, you know, I know I'm gonna get married someday. Lisa: --and had certain characteristics of a number of Hollywood stars at the time.
And so, we need to explore where the single scene is today for the Christian and we're gonna do that with a very special guest. She spearheads our ministry to singles called Boundless and has just released her first book, . Lisa: Yeah, so you know, in a nutshell, I followed the script that I was given, both within my church, which was great and then within the public schools of California. I saw great marriages around me, but at the same time, I was in the California public schools and was being told, no one is gonna take care of you, but you. And so, I was like, okay, well, that's gonna be my story eventually, but for right now, what I want to do is be a success.
Jim: And in conjunction with that, you talk—I love this term; I'm gonna try to say it—"friendlationship." (Laughter)Lisa: Yeah. So, she will hang on for let's say, six months, a year, two years, seven years, as one of my friends did and hope for something more, when this guy has absolutely no intention of ever truly dating her. (Laughter)John: But then, seriously, she--Jim: Hopefully, it was a more enthusiastic response.
Jim: Well, and in that context, she's making it really easy for him to just hang out. (Laughter)John: --did not, but later that night—Lisa: Sounds like an odd thing.