I’ve found in my clinical work with singles and couples that there are a few red flags that are more serious – or redder, if you will – than others. There’s no need to expand any further – you’ll know it when you see it, and you have to kick that date to the curb right away.If you break into a mild sweat as you read the list below, it can’t mean something good! There’s no question that dating can be stressful and intimidating, and that a little alcohol can help grease the wheels and put you at ease. Don’t overthink it – just do it and thank me for it later. Saying “yes” to an invitation for a date does not grant your date a VIP pass to your most private thoughts and feelings.In the worst case scenario, the person who appears too good to be true is sociopathic. In this article, I have captured only a few of the most serious red flags.Beware these red flags, in particular, and protect yourself emotionally with all your might.Actually, what really happens is that the warning signs are noted but are then swept under the rug in an anxious plea to block out the negative and only see the positive.If you are on a date with someone who acts rudely to wait staff, cashiers, or others, don’t set off on a sermon about how to treat people – save your energy for someone better.If it’s one of the first few dates, the questions asked and comments shared should be fairly generic.
In looking at the experiences of others, what we can say is that many who have formed romantic partnerships with former substance abusers have come to regret that decision immensely, while others have been able to establish satisfying permanent relationships with those who have successfully put their past addictions behind them.Trust me: If you choose to continue dating, sooner or later you will end up on the receiving end of that nastiness. No joke: Head for the hills if your date starts mouthing off about his or her ex.Relationships rarely end because of the fault of only one member of the couple, so anyone who speaks badly about an ex on a date lacks insight into why the relationship really failed.Before becoming involved with them, it is important to sit down and have a good long talk about what those triggers might be, based on their past experiences and on the insights they have gained during their counseling sessions and during their time in AA or NA.With good communication about this topic, the partner of someone in recovery can do a lot to keep the process on track – while protecting themselves at the same time.